I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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