if i can run in heels then i can drive
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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