So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
