dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
