Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
