I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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