I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
