That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Such a big mess for such a small penis
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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