Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
