you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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