why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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