homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
