You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
