please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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