I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
