Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
