Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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