I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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