Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
