ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
