I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
