He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
