12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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