sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
