I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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