I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
