Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
