its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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