seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
