Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
