Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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