I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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