clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
