he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
