my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
