i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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