I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
