I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
