I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We left an ass print on the piano.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
