Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
