I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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