Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
