Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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