Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
