My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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