so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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