This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
