Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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