never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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