you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
