oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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