You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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